高中英語語法-習作評析（12）
習作評析（12）
習作題目 1
根據下列提示，寫一篇 100 詞左右的日記。
今天是二○○二年三月十八日，星期天，天氣晴朗。由二十多名澳大利亞中學生組成的訪問團來你校參觀。你和同學們于八點二十分在校門口集合，列隊歡迎來訪的澳大利亞學生。八點半你帶客人到接待室（ reception room ）并舉行聯歡會（ get-together ）。十點鐘你帶領客人參觀圖書館、實驗室和校辦工廠。十一點半和客人一起在學校食堂共進午餐，并互贈禮物，客人于下午一點半離開學校。
學生原文
Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine
This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at twenty past eight， gave them a warm welcome. At half past eight， I took them to the reception room and we made a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we led them to visit out library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall but then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly， soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.
Never shall I forget the day March 18th.
名師點評
本篇習作要點齊全，語言通順。考生能熟練運用所學知識，按時間順序較好地完成日記。但考生在連接詞的運用上還需進一步努力。
（ 1 ） visit 前加 a .
（ 2 ） gave 前加 and ，在兩個并列謂語之間應用連接詞 and .
（ 3 ） made 改為 held .舉行晚會、聚會、會議需用動詞 hold .
（ 4 ） but 改為 and ，此處是一種并列關系，而非轉折關系。
（ 5 ） soon 前加 and .
（ 6 ）在日記的結尾考生巧妙地運用了倒裝結構，使短文添彩。
精品范文
Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine
This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for a visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at 8：20 and gave them a warm welcome. Then I took them to the reception room and we had a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we showed them around our library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall and then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly and soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.
Never shall I forget the day March 18th.
習作評析（12）
習作題目 1
根據下列提示，寫一篇 100 詞左右的日記。
今天是二○○二年三月十八日，星期天，天氣晴朗。由二十多名澳大利亞中學生組成的訪問團來你校參觀。你和同學們于八點二十分在校門口集合，列隊歡迎來訪的澳大利亞學生。八點半你帶客人到接待室（ reception room ）并舉行聯歡會（ get-together ）。十點鐘你帶領客人參觀圖書館、實驗室和校辦工廠。十一點半和客人一起在學校食堂共進午餐，并互贈禮物，客人于下午一點半離開學校。
學生原文
Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine
This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at twenty past eight， gave them a warm welcome. At half past eight， I took them to the reception room and we made a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we led them to visit out library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall but then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly， soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.
Never shall I forget the day March 18th.
名師點評
本篇習作要點齊全，語言通順。考生能熟練運用所學知識，按時間順序較好地完成日記。但考生在連接詞的運用上還需進一步努力。
（ 1 ） visit 前加 a .
（ 2 ） gave 前加 and ，在兩個并列謂語之間應用連接詞 and .
（ 3 ） made 改為 held .舉行晚會、聚會、會議需用動詞 hold .
（ 4 ） but 改為 and ，此處是一種并列關系，而非轉折關系。
（ 5 ） soon 前加 and .
（ 6 ）在日記的結尾考生巧妙地運用了倒裝結構，使短文添彩。
精品范文
Wednesday March 18th， 2002 Fine
This morning， over twenty Australian middle school students came to our school for a visit. My classmates and I gathered at the school gate at 8：20 and gave them a warm welcome. Then I took them to the reception room and we had a get-together there. At ten o'clock， we showed them around our library， our lab and the school factory. At half past eleven， we had lunch with the Australian students in the school dining-hall and then gave presents to each other. Time passed quickly and soon it was half past one in the afternoon. We had to say good-bye to each other.
Never shall I forget the day March 18th.
