SAT寫作6分范文之success and disastrous
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below
Prompt: The old saying, be careful what you wish for, may be an appropriate warning. The drive to achieve a particular goal can dangerously narrow ones perspective and encourage the fantasy that success in one endeavor will solve all of lifes difficulties. In fact, success can sometimes have unexpected consequences. Those who propel themselves toward the achievement of one goal often find that their lives are worse once success is achieved than they were before.
Assignment: Can success be disastrous?
Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
題目翻譯：
那句古老的諺語當心你所期盼的東西不失為一句恰當的警示。實現特定目標的動機能夠危險地使一個人的觀念變得狹隘，并且助長這樣一種幻想：一次努力后的成功能夠解決生活中的所有問題。事實上，成功有時候會帶來無法預料的后果。那些為著實現某一目標而奮斗的人常常發現，成功實現后他們的生活變得比過去更糟了。
命題：成功可以是災難性的嗎?
SAT寫作6分范文
The power of success can be disastrous when placed in the wrong hands. Naturally, there are those who will always choose to manipulate conditions to succeed in their own endeavors, not taking into consideration the lives of those around them. On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.
Throughout history, we have seen success used wrongfully in the hands of the unworthy. Powerful leaders of nations, kingdoms, and empires, having succeeded in gaining leadership, have then used their influence wrongfully in achieving their own selfish goals. Nero, the Roman emperor who beat his pregnant wife to death and has been suspected of instigating the great fire of Rome in an attempt to boost his own political influence; Henry VIII of England, for whom women were beheaded for not bearing him a son, and who is rumored to have eaten eight chickens a night while English peasants starved; The notorious Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain, who carried out the Spanish Inquisition The list is endless. Even in literature, we see the corruption and downfall of society and mankind as a whole as a result of the abuse of success in the possession of those who do not deserve it, as seen in William Shakespeares tragedy of King Lear. In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there
is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril. This order only returns to a slight degree when virtue returns to England. Success is hazardous when awarded to the unvirtuous.
However, there may be those who are not necessarily evil of greedy in their pursuits, but merely do not know how to handle success. This proves to be just more disastrous to the individual than to anyone else, since it is the individual who will then sabotage his own success to return to his former comfort zone. Success is meant to be grown upon, not exploited or feared.
Success, when achieved by the unworthy or inexperienced, is a most disastrous element. Success is not about being happy at the expense of those about you it is about using ones newly gained happiness to improve the lives of others. If one reflects on the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, one will never go astray: To know that one person has breathed easier because you have lived -this is to have succeeded.
范文翻譯：
當成功被錯誤的人掌握時，其力量將是災難性的。世上自然有這樣的人：他們總是盡力操縱局面，實現自我成功，而不把周圍的人生死放在眼里。另一方面，還有這樣的人，他們追求的目標不一定自私，但就是不知道怎么對待取得的成功，因此落得自我毀滅的下場。
縱觀歷史，可見不肖之徒妄用手中的成功。那些強大的帝王領袖成功獲取了領導權，又妄用其影響力以實現自己自私的目的。羅馬皇帝尼祿將懷孕的妻子鞭打致死，有人懷疑，他曾為了擢升自己的政治影響力而點燃羅馬大火;英國國王亨利八世因為女人沒能為他生下王子而將其送上斷頭臺，據傳，在英國農民忍饑挨餓的時候，他卻能一晚上吃掉8只雞;還有西班牙臭名昭著的費迪南德和伊莎貝拉，他們在西班牙設立起進行異端審判的宗教法庭。名單無窮無盡。即使在文學作品里，我們也能看見因為本不配得到成功的人濫用成功而對整個社會和人類造成的腐敗和衰落，正如我們在威廉莎士比亞的悲劇《李爾王》中所見的那樣。故事中，當李爾王將權力移交給邪惡的女兒瑞根和高納里爾后，混亂取代了社會秩序，只有當美德回歸英國之后，秩序才稍稍恢復。當成功落入無德之人手中時，成功是危險的。
然而，有些人的愿望不一定邪惡或貪婪，只是他們不知道如何對待成功。相比對其他人而言，這種情況對當事人來說更具災難性，因為他會毀掉自己的成功，回到原來的舒適區。成功應該使人成長，而不應被妄用，也不應使人害怕。
當卑鄙的人或不成熟的人取得成功時，成功是最具災難性的。成功不是以犧牲身邊人為代價換取幸福，而是用剛剛得到的幸福去改善其他人的生活。如果一個人能夠仔細思考拉爾夫沃爾多愛默生的話：成功就是知道有人因為你的存在而呼吸得更輕松。，他就永不會誤入歧途。
得分點詳解
1 effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position
圍繞論題有效、深刻地發展一個論點，運用貼切的事例、因果分析和其他證據支持論點，從而展示出色的思辨能力。
2 is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas
結構合理，中心明確，思路連貫，銜接自然。全文緊扣論點，不枝不蔓，起承轉合十分得體。
3 exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary
顯示運用語言的技巧，詞匯豐富、準確、恰當
4 demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure
運用多種句子結構
5 is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics
在語法、用法和技巧上錯誤很少
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below
Prompt: The old saying, be careful what you wish for, may be an appropriate warning. The drive to achieve a particular goal can dangerously narrow ones perspective and encourage the fantasy that success in one endeavor will solve all of lifes difficulties. In fact, success can sometimes have unexpected consequences. Those who propel themselves toward the achievement of one goal often find that their lives are worse once success is achieved than they were before.
Assignment: Can success be disastrous?
Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
題目翻譯：
那句古老的諺語當心你所期盼的東西不失為一句恰當的警示。實現特定目標的動機能夠危險地使一個人的觀念變得狹隘，并且助長這樣一種幻想：一次努力后的成功能夠解決生活中的所有問題。事實上，成功有時候會帶來無法預料的后果。那些為著實現某一目標而奮斗的人常常發現，成功實現后他們的生活變得比過去更糟了。
命題：成功可以是災難性的嗎?
SAT寫作6分范文
The power of success can be disastrous when placed in the wrong hands. Naturally, there are those who will always choose to manipulate conditions to succeed in their own endeavors, not taking into consideration the lives of those around them. On the other hand, there may be those who do not necessarily pursue selfish ends, but simply do not know where to take success once it has been achieved, thus resulting in their own self-sabotage.
Throughout history, we have seen success used wrongfully in the hands of the unworthy. Powerful leaders of nations, kingdoms, and empires, having succeeded in gaining leadership, have then used their influence wrongfully in achieving their own selfish goals. Nero, the Roman emperor who beat his pregnant wife to death and has been suspected of instigating the great fire of Rome in an attempt to boost his own political influence; Henry VIII of England, for whom women were beheaded for not bearing him a son, and who is rumored to have eaten eight chickens a night while English peasants starved; The notorious Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain, who carried out the Spanish Inquisition The list is endless. Even in literature, we see the corruption and downfall of society and mankind as a whole as a result of the abuse of success in the possession of those who do not deserve it, as seen in William Shakespeares tragedy of King Lear. In the story, societal order is replaced with chaos when there
is a power shift from Lear to his evil daughters, Regan and Goneril. This order only returns to a slight degree when virtue returns to England. Success is hazardous when awarded to the unvirtuous.
However, there may be those who are not necessarily evil of greedy in their pursuits, but merely do not know how to handle success. This proves to be just more disastrous to the individual than to anyone else, since it is the individual who will then sabotage his own success to return to his former comfort zone. Success is meant to be grown upon, not exploited or feared.
Success, when achieved by the unworthy or inexperienced, is a most disastrous element. Success is not about being happy at the expense of those about you it is about using ones newly gained happiness to improve the lives of others. If one reflects on the wise words of Ralph Waldo Emerson, one will never go astray: To know that one person has breathed easier because you have lived -this is to have succeeded.
范文翻譯：
當成功被錯誤的人掌握時，其力量將是災難性的。世上自然有這樣的人：他們總是盡力操縱局面，實現自我成功，而不把周圍的人生死放在眼里。另一方面，還有這樣的人，他們追求的目標不一定自私，但就是不知道怎么對待取得的成功，因此落得自我毀滅的下場。
縱觀歷史，可見不肖之徒妄用手中的成功。那些強大的帝王領袖成功獲取了領導權，又妄用其影響力以實現自己自私的目的。羅馬皇帝尼祿將懷孕的妻子鞭打致死，有人懷疑，他曾為了擢升自己的政治影響力而點燃羅馬大火;英國國王亨利八世因為女人沒能為他生下王子而將其送上斷頭臺，據傳，在英國農民忍饑挨餓的時候，他卻能一晚上吃掉8只雞;還有西班牙臭名昭著的費迪南德和伊莎貝拉，他們在西班牙設立起進行異端審判的宗教法庭。名單無窮無盡。即使在文學作品里，我們也能看見因為本不配得到成功的人濫用成功而對整個社會和人類造成的腐敗和衰落，正如我們在威廉莎士比亞的悲劇《李爾王》中所見的那樣。故事中，當李爾王將權力移交給邪惡的女兒瑞根和高納里爾后，混亂取代了社會秩序，只有當美德回歸英國之后，秩序才稍稍恢復。當成功落入無德之人手中時，成功是危險的。
然而，有些人的愿望不一定邪惡或貪婪，只是他們不知道如何對待成功。相比對其他人而言，這種情況對當事人來說更具災難性，因為他會毀掉自己的成功，回到原來的舒適區。成功應該使人成長，而不應被妄用，也不應使人害怕。
當卑鄙的人或不成熟的人取得成功時，成功是最具災難性的。成功不是以犧牲身邊人為代價換取幸福，而是用剛剛得到的幸福去改善其他人的生活。如果一個人能夠仔細思考拉爾夫沃爾多愛默生的話：成功就是知道有人因為你的存在而呼吸得更輕松。，他就永不會誤入歧途。
得分點詳解
1 effectively and insightfully develops a point of view on the issue and demonstrates outstanding critical thinking, using clearly appropriate examples, reasons, and other evidence to support its position
圍繞論題有效、深刻地發展一個論點，運用貼切的事例、因果分析和其他證據支持論點，從而展示出色的思辨能力。
2 is well organized and clearly focused, demonstrating clear coherence and smooth progression of ideas
結構合理，中心明確，思路連貫，銜接自然。全文緊扣論點，不枝不蔓，起承轉合十分得體。
3 exhibits skillful use of language, using a varied, accurate, and apt vocabulary
顯示運用語言的技巧，詞匯豐富、準確、恰當
4 demonstrates meaningful variety in sentence structure
運用多種句子結構
5 is free of most errors in grammar, usage, and mechanics
在語法、用法和技巧上錯誤很少
