GRE作文入門和進階二十六

　　145.A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds， a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticedand can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores， therefore， should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

　　（病歷文）

　　In this argument， the arguer make a proposal that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to prove his claims， a new study collected data has been quoted that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. in addition， the arguer also shows a common sense to support the conclusion， which says that sleep apnea， a condition caused by snore， can wakes the sleeping person often and leave him too tired to exercise during the day.

　　The explanation of the conclusion sounds quite plausible at the first glance， but after pondering deeply upon the matter， we may find that the arguer fails to build up a causal relationship between the sentific study and the the conclusion as presented above， furthermore， this argument also suffers from critical logical confusion， How can the person who is too tired to exercise join even more aerobic activities during the day？ To reveal the flaws of the argument more clearly， let us detail the examination.

　　To begin with， one major assumption in short of legitimacy is the relationship claimsed between the propensity of weight-gaining among the snores and the method to handle this problem， which is simply described as eating less。 However， why those people who snore are more likely to gain weight still remain unknown， how can the arguer gratuitously give the recommendation that the anyone who snores should try to eat less？ there may be other ways to give the explanation of this problem， the most persuasive one is that the fat might cause by the hormone secreted by a kind of glands. When people are snoring， means， under the condition called sleep apnea， the amount of hormone being secreted may exceed or less than， the normal one， which keeps the metabolism speed of the human body. Therefore， it is reasonable to imagine that the problem would even get worse after adopting the argers suggestion that anyone who snores should eat less than the average person.

　　In addition， the arguers conclusion that more excercises should be taken by the those who snore is seriously undermined by the common sense given in the argument， which points out the sleep apnea caused by snore results in the tiredness of the snorer during the day. Can such a tired person take a lot of exercisers besides his work or study？ the answer is obviously seem. anyone who has basic logical-deducing ability would see the critical flaw in the argument.

　　In sum， unless the reslut of a further scientific study can demonstrate that the weight-gaining propensity among the snorers is caused by lacking of excercise and can be solved by eating less， the arguers conclusion about this medical issue is unfounded.（463 words）

　　評注：開頭兩段什么都沒談，就歸納了論據結論用了一段耗去100多字，居然還不過癮，又獨劈一段就為了說明它有問題，又是幾十字，加上結尾，非主體共耗去200多字，接近全文一半，這樣的謀篇布局實在讓人心寒。可見沒有絲毫寫作結構性的知識，完全憑借自己的一相情愿在抖包袱。而下面的范文盡管開頭也作了概括，但是點到即止，將文章的中心全部撲在批駁論證上，并且主次分明，從而保證了良好的結構協調性，請讀者品品。

　　145.A new study collected data that shows that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. It is well known that many people who snore also stop breathing frequently during the night for a few seconds， a condition called sleep apnea. The interruption of breathing wakes the person-often so briefly that the waking goes unnoticedand can leave the person too tired during the day to exercise. Anyone who snores， therefore， should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more.

　　（病歷文）

　　In this argument， the arguer make a proposal that anyone who snores should try to eat less than the average person and to exercise more. In order to prove his claims， a new study collected data has been quoted that people who snore are more likely to gain weight than are people who do not snore. in addition， the arguer also shows a common sense to support the conclusion， which says that sleep apnea， a condition caused by snore， can wakes the sleeping person often and leave him too tired to exercise during the day.

　　The explanation of the conclusion sounds quite plausible at the first glance， but after pondering deeply upon the matter， we may find that the arguer fails to build up a causal relationship between the sentific study and the the conclusion as presented above， furthermore， this argument also suffers from critical logical confusion， How can the person who is too tired to exercise join even more aerobic activities during the day？ To reveal the flaws of the argument more clearly， let us detail the examination.

　　To begin with， one major assumption in short of legitimacy is the relationship claimsed between the propensity of weight-gaining among the snores and the method to handle this problem， which is simply described as eating less。 However， why those people who snore are more likely to gain weight still remain unknown， how can the arguer gratuitously give the recommendation that the anyone who snores should try to eat less？ there may be other ways to give the explanation of this problem， the most persuasive one is that the fat might cause by the hormone secreted by a kind of glands. When people are snoring， means， under the condition called sleep apnea， the amount of hormone being secreted may exceed or less than， the normal one， which keeps the metabolism speed of the human body. Therefore， it is reasonable to imagine that the problem would even get worse after adopting the argers suggestion that anyone who snores should eat less than the average person.

　　In addition， the arguers conclusion that more excercises should be taken by the those who snore is seriously undermined by the common sense given in the argument， which points out the sleep apnea caused by snore results in the tiredness of the snorer during the day. Can such a tired person take a lot of exercisers besides his work or study？ the answer is obviously seem. anyone who has basic logical-deducing ability would see the critical flaw in the argument.

　　In sum， unless the reslut of a further scientific study can demonstrate that the weight-gaining propensity among the snorers is caused by lacking of excercise and can be solved by eating less， the arguers conclusion about this medical issue is unfounded.（463 words）

　　評注：開頭兩段什么都沒談，就歸納了論據結論用了一段耗去100多字，居然還不過癮，又獨劈一段就為了說明它有問題，又是幾十字，加上結尾，非主體共耗去200多字，接近全文一半，這樣的謀篇布局實在讓人心寒。可見沒有絲毫寫作結構性的知識，完全憑借自己的一相情愿在抖包袱。而下面的范文盡管開頭也作了概括，但是點到即止，將文章的中心全部撲在批駁論證上，并且主次分明，從而保證了良好的結構協調性，請讀者品品。