GRE寫作講義－習(xí)作評(píng)改4
寫作詞匯
Original: To begin with, in our era, all kinds of information and messages are booming everyday.
Revised: In our times, we are exposed to a great deal of information.
Original: Maybe in some urgent conditions, political leaders have to withhold information from the public to avoid the possible turbulence, but we can never say that is necessary, even if desirable.
Revised: Political leaders may sometimes have to withhold information from the public to avoid potential conflict, but this is never necessary, let alone desirable.
Original: In this era of democracy and the law becoming more and more complete, everyone realizes his own rights including the right to know the things that he is interested in or relative to.
Revised: In this modern era of democracy and established codes of law, everyone knows their rights, particularly when the subject bears immediate interest to them.
Original: People who are far away from New York never heard the disaster happening there.
Revised: Or people can turn a blind eye to momentous events, such as the September 11th attacks, just because they happened a long way away.
Original: Even if you only withhold a little information, the absence of it will surely hurt your people, further your society sooner or later because any information must has a close relation to these people or those, and will affect them at last.
Revised: Withholding even the most meager scrap of information hurts people, because however small it is, it will eventually have an impact on them.
Original: Complete information could help us to judge the environment in which we are and change our action according to others action, then the market gets to its balance.
Revised: A perfect flow of information helps us to evaluate the world in which we live, and temper our actions when we compare them to the actions of those around us.
Original: Though we are not discussing the market only, the importance of opening the information to the public also can be recognized from this.
Revised: It is a comment on society as well as markets, as it shows the value of opening up information to the public.
Original: There still has a question about the reputation about the government.
Revised: There is a still a question mark hanging over the reputation of the government.
Original: It must be noxious to people, to government, then to the whole society in long term.
Revised: But in the long-term this approach works to the detriment of society.
Original: Laws are the fundamentals of our society.
Revised: Laws are the fundamental backbone of society.
Original: All the rights such as freedom, democracy, and independence and so on we now hold can only be protected by the laws.
Revised: The rights that we hold dear, such as freedom, democracy and independence, exist because they are protected by law.
Original: Moreover, unjust laws poison our society and they penalize innocent people rather than guilty ones. So we should resist unjust laws.
Revised: Unjust laws are a detriment to society and end up penalizing innocent, rather than guilty people.
Original: The glorious Roman Empire is always reverenced more for its overall success than for any of its epic leaders, since society is an integral concept which is weighed by the gross population.
Revised: The Roman Empire is generally remembered for its overall success rather than for any single leader because society as a whole is more powerful than the individuals it is comprised of.
Original: There is no contradiction between the two as long as individual success offers benefit to the society.
Revised: As long as individual success adds to a societys success, there is no contradiction between the two.
Original: Yet when improper individual prosperity, which is based on monopoly, deceiving other than fair play and hardworking, harms other people or the whole society, iron hand should be laid by government and other authorities to prohibit it so as to protect the overall society.
Revised: Only when individual success, relying on monopolies, unfair play and crime, harms other people and society, should the government and other authorities step in to protect society.
Original: Therefore, seen from the upper analysis, only both of the two assumptions are true that the significant decline of electricity consumption by the copper-extraction industry could be expected.
Revised: From the analysis above, we can see that only when both assumptions are true can a significant decline in electricity consumption be expected.
Original: Thus we come to it: individual well-being should always be confined within the overall success of a society in that the prosperity of a society promises everyone of the citizens a better premise and equal opportunity for personal success.
Revised: Therefore, individual well-being should always be viewed within the confines of a societys well-being because a prosperous society offers its citizen a better life and more opportunities to be an individual success.
Original: Modern people receive vast news and information of many kinds every day and are so overwhelmed by these factual news that they are not think much about larger issues or from overall perspectives.
Revised: Modern people are therefore overwhelmed with small pieces of factual information to the extent that they think little about the larger issues and fail to look at issues from an overall perspective.
Original: With the help of modern technologies, researchers get new findings and facts in all kinds of fields everyday, and through these facts and information most subjects and disciplines have gotten more and more specialized.
Revised: Modern technologys facilitation of discoveries of little bits of information in many fields also contributes to the problem of obscuring the larger perspective.
Original: In addition, in peoples daily life, they have accustomed to being surrounded by news and information disseminated through global mass media.
Revised: The dissemination of information through the global mass media, especially through television, likewise habituates people to getting information in small bites and not thinking about the bigger picture.
Original: For example, during the World War II, the American government carries out the famous Manhattan plan to develop the nuke.
For example, during World War II, the American government carried out the infamous Manhattan Project to develop the nuclear bomb.
Original: If the Manhattan would successfully develop the nuke, the battle effectiveness of the Americans military should be reinforce and take the advantages in the World War II.
If the Manhattan Project could successfully develop nuclear weapons, Americas military effectiveness could be reinforced and take on a strong advantage in the war effort.
Original: But sometimes the result of a research can cause much controversy in society.
Revised: But sometimes the result of research can stir up social controversy.
However, there are reasons to leave schools some margin in determining curriculum.
Revised: There are several reasons, however, to leave schools some leeway in determining curriculum.
Original: How we can clearly understand contemporary culture while culture is a so intricate notion that includes a wide varieties of idea and is usually disgusted by many confusing phenomena?
Revised: How can we clearly understand contemporary culture, when culture is such an intricate notion, which encompasses a wide variety of ideas and which may be obscured by confusing external signals?
Original: A young man has an air of freedom and is keener to new things and fresh ideas than the old.
Revised: A young person has a freer spirit and is more receptive to new things and fresh ideas than an old person.
Original: So the youth are always more perspicacious than and usually closely catch up with the pace of development of a society or sometimes even lead current of social progress.
Revised: So young people are more perceptive, and their lives usually march with the pace of development of a society.
Original: Moreover, it is easier to acquire messages of a culture from the young than from the old.
Revised: Moreover, it is easier to discern cultural trends by focusing on the young than by observing the old.
Original: Because a young man usually is more open-minded and has less restriction in practicing their own believes:
Revised: Young people are usually more open-minded and less inhibited about expressing their beliefs:
Original: One thing under the same situation, two person will give you disparage descriptions, for they are from different angles and have different perspectives.
Revised: Two people, finding themselves in the same situation, will describe it in different ways, for they look at the circumstances from alternative angles and have disparate perspectives.
寫作詞匯
Original: To begin with, in our era, all kinds of information and messages are booming everyday.
Revised: In our times, we are exposed to a great deal of information.
Original: Maybe in some urgent conditions, political leaders have to withhold information from the public to avoid the possible turbulence, but we can never say that is necessary, even if desirable.
Revised: Political leaders may sometimes have to withhold information from the public to avoid potential conflict, but this is never necessary, let alone desirable.
Original: In this era of democracy and the law becoming more and more complete, everyone realizes his own rights including the right to know the things that he is interested in or relative to.
Revised: In this modern era of democracy and established codes of law, everyone knows their rights, particularly when the subject bears immediate interest to them.
Original: People who are far away from New York never heard the disaster happening there.
Revised: Or people can turn a blind eye to momentous events, such as the September 11th attacks, just because they happened a long way away.
Original: Even if you only withhold a little information, the absence of it will surely hurt your people, further your society sooner or later because any information must has a close relation to these people or those, and will affect them at last.
Revised: Withholding even the most meager scrap of information hurts people, because however small it is, it will eventually have an impact on them.
Original: Complete information could help us to judge the environment in which we are and change our action according to others action, then the market gets to its balance.
Revised: A perfect flow of information helps us to evaluate the world in which we live, and temper our actions when we compare them to the actions of those around us.
Original: Though we are not discussing the market only, the importance of opening the information to the public also can be recognized from this.
Revised: It is a comment on society as well as markets, as it shows the value of opening up information to the public.
Original: There still has a question about the reputation about the government.
Revised: There is a still a question mark hanging over the reputation of the government.
Original: It must be noxious to people, to government, then to the whole society in long term.
Revised: But in the long-term this approach works to the detriment of society.
Original: Laws are the fundamentals of our society.
Revised: Laws are the fundamental backbone of society.
Original: All the rights such as freedom, democracy, and independence and so on we now hold can only be protected by the laws.
Revised: The rights that we hold dear, such as freedom, democracy and independence, exist because they are protected by law.
Original: Moreover, unjust laws poison our society and they penalize innocent people rather than guilty ones. So we should resist unjust laws.
Revised: Unjust laws are a detriment to society and end up penalizing innocent, rather than guilty people.
Original: The glorious Roman Empire is always reverenced more for its overall success than for any of its epic leaders, since society is an integral concept which is weighed by the gross population.
Revised: The Roman Empire is generally remembered for its overall success rather than for any single leader because society as a whole is more powerful than the individuals it is comprised of.
Original: There is no contradiction between the two as long as individual success offers benefit to the society.
Revised: As long as individual success adds to a societys success, there is no contradiction between the two.
Original: Yet when improper individual prosperity, which is based on monopoly, deceiving other than fair play and hardworking, harms other people or the whole society, iron hand should be laid by government and other authorities to prohibit it so as to protect the overall society.
Revised: Only when individual success, relying on monopolies, unfair play and crime, harms other people and society, should the government and other authorities step in to protect society.
Original: Therefore, seen from the upper analysis, only both of the two assumptions are true that the significant decline of electricity consumption by the copper-extraction industry could be expected.
Revised: From the analysis above, we can see that only when both assumptions are true can a significant decline in electricity consumption be expected.
Original: Thus we come to it: individual well-being should always be confined within the overall success of a society in that the prosperity of a society promises everyone of the citizens a better premise and equal opportunity for personal success.
Revised: Therefore, individual well-being should always be viewed within the confines of a societys well-being because a prosperous society offers its citizen a better life and more opportunities to be an individual success.
Original: Modern people receive vast news and information of many kinds every day and are so overwhelmed by these factual news that they are not think much about larger issues or from overall perspectives.
Revised: Modern people are therefore overwhelmed with small pieces of factual information to the extent that they think little about the larger issues and fail to look at issues from an overall perspective.
Original: With the help of modern technologies, researchers get new findings and facts in all kinds of fields everyday, and through these facts and information most subjects and disciplines have gotten more and more specialized.
Revised: Modern technologys facilitation of discoveries of little bits of information in many fields also contributes to the problem of obscuring the larger perspective.
Original: In addition, in peoples daily life, they have accustomed to being surrounded by news and information disseminated through global mass media.
Revised: The dissemination of information through the global mass media, especially through television, likewise habituates people to getting information in small bites and not thinking about the bigger picture.
Original: For example, during the World War II, the American government carries out the famous Manhattan plan to develop the nuke.
For example, during World War II, the American government carried out the infamous Manhattan Project to develop the nuclear bomb.
Original: If the Manhattan would successfully develop the nuke, the battle effectiveness of the Americans military should be reinforce and take the advantages in the World War II.
If the Manhattan Project could successfully develop nuclear weapons, Americas military effectiveness could be reinforced and take on a strong advantage in the war effort.
Original: But sometimes the result of a research can cause much controversy in society.
Revised: But sometimes the result of research can stir up social controversy.
However, there are reasons to leave schools some margin in determining curriculum.
Revised: There are several reasons, however, to leave schools some leeway in determining curriculum.
Original: How we can clearly understand contemporary culture while culture is a so intricate notion that includes a wide varieties of idea and is usually disgusted by many confusing phenomena?
Revised: How can we clearly understand contemporary culture, when culture is such an intricate notion, which encompasses a wide variety of ideas and which may be obscured by confusing external signals?
Original: A young man has an air of freedom and is keener to new things and fresh ideas than the old.
Revised: A young person has a freer spirit and is more receptive to new things and fresh ideas than an old person.
Original: So the youth are always more perspicacious than and usually closely catch up with the pace of development of a society or sometimes even lead current of social progress.
Revised: So young people are more perceptive, and their lives usually march with the pace of development of a society.
Original: Moreover, it is easier to acquire messages of a culture from the young than from the old.
Revised: Moreover, it is easier to discern cultural trends by focusing on the young than by observing the old.
Original: Because a young man usually is more open-minded and has less restriction in practicing their own believes:
Revised: Young people are usually more open-minded and less inhibited about expressing their beliefs:
Original: One thing under the same situation, two person will give you disparage descriptions, for they are from different angles and have different perspectives.
Revised: Two people, finding themselves in the same situation, will describe it in different ways, for they look at the circumstances from alternative angles and have disparate perspectives.
