離婚前你應該知道這些事

Now that I'm nearing the end of the divorce process (it's a marathon - not a sprint!), I'm starting to reflect on the things I wish I had known before getting a divorce period. I don't think there is any real book to prepare you for divorce, as each person's experience is so unique. But as you're headed down the aisle - that's the court aisle - of divorce, there are some things it wouldn't hurt to know as you sever your formerly "forever" relationship.

我的離婚過程已接近尾聲（真的是一場馬拉松，而不是沖刺！），我開始反思一些我希望在離婚前就知道的事情。我覺得根本就沒有一本書能讓你為離婚做好準備，因為每個人的經(jīng)歷都是獨一無二的。但當你邁過通往離婚的長廊--法庭的長廊，與之前那段"永久的"戀情一分為二時，知道下面的這些事情對你并沒有什么壞處。

1. How It Would Affect My Toddler

1. 離婚會如何影響我的孩子？

My daughter was just turning 3 when her dad and I split, and no matter how often I googled toddlers and divorce, there wasn't a ton of information on how she might be affected by the experience. I ended up pushing for her to try play therapy, and when my ex agreed, we had her attend for a while. It was the best choice to make, but it would have been great had I known of the potential issues she might have had and the ways to help our child through it ahead of time. The reality is no one can predict how a divorce will impact your kids.

我和丈夫分開時，我的孩子才剛滿3歲，雖然我經(jīng)常在谷歌上搜索關鍵字：孩子與離婚，但關于孩子會如何受到離婚這段經(jīng)歷影響的信息并不多。最后我逼著孩子嘗試游戲療法，當我前夫同意時，我們讓其他人照顧了她一段時間。這是最好的選擇，但如果我能提前知道她可能有的潛在問題和幫助孩子度過這段時間的方法，那么情況會變得更好。事實上，誰都無法預測離婚給孩子帶來的影響。

2. Don't Use Friends

2. 不要咨詢朋友

Don't use friends for legal advice - meaning, don't hire a friend to handle the divorce even though your friend will cut you a break financially. My ex and I started out this way, and the friend was truly lovely and magnanimous at heart to want to help two broke people divorce, but we ended up switching counsel (to mediators) for various reasons. It's been 20 months, and it's still not final. Lesson learned!

不要向朋友咨詢法律建議--也就是說，不要雇朋友處理你們的離婚問題，即使朋友少收你們錢也不行。我和前夫就是雇的朋友，雖然朋友很好、落落大方，也是真心想幫我們離婚，但我們都因為各種各樣的理由換了其他咨詢師進行調(diào)解。現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)20個月了，我們的離婚還沒搞定，向我學習吧！

3. Make It Clear

3. 說清楚

Our mediator now was shocked when he saw our divorce agreement. Everything was completely vague and open to interpretation. No, no, no! Don't do it! It doesn't matter if you and your ex are cosy now, because down the line, you may not be. Have everything written in detail, and leave no topics untouched, especially when there are children involved. Too much vague language in your divorce agreement can kill you later on.

當調(diào)解人看到我們的協(xié)議時，他/她完全震驚了。每件事都很模糊，可以任意解讀。不不不！不要這么做！即使你和你的前夫現(xiàn)在無所謂也不行，因為最后你有可能會因為條款不明而抓狂。每件事都詳細說明，每件事情都要說清楚，尤其是關于孩子的問題。離婚協(xié)議中太多模糊的言語會在以后的歲月里搞垮你。

Now that I'm nearing the end of the divorce process (it's a marathon - not a sprint!), I'm starting to reflect on the things I wish I had known before getting a divorce period. I don't think there is any real book to prepare you for divorce, as each person's experience is so unique. But as you're headed down the aisle - that's the court aisle - of divorce, there are some things it wouldn't hurt to know as you sever your formerly "forever" relationship.

我的離婚過程已接近尾聲（真的是一場馬拉松，而不是沖刺！），我開始反思一些我希望在離婚前就知道的事情。我覺得根本就沒有一本書能讓你為離婚做好準備，因為每個人的經(jīng)歷都是獨一無二的。但當你邁過通往離婚的長廊--法庭的長廊，與之前那段"永久的"戀情一分為二時，知道下面的這些事情對你并沒有什么壞處。

1. How It Would Affect My Toddler

1. 離婚會如何影響我的孩子？

My daughter was just turning 3 when her dad and I split, and no matter how often I googled toddlers and divorce, there wasn't a ton of information on how she might be affected by the experience. I ended up pushing for her to try play therapy, and when my ex agreed, we had her attend for a while. It was the best choice to make, but it would have been great had I known of the potential issues she might have had and the ways to help our child through it ahead of time. The reality is no one can predict how a divorce will impact your kids.

我和丈夫分開時，我的孩子才剛滿3歲，雖然我經(jīng)常在谷歌上搜索關鍵字：孩子與離婚，但關于孩子會如何受到離婚這段經(jīng)歷影響的信息并不多。最后我逼著孩子嘗試游戲療法，當我前夫同意時，我們讓其他人照顧了她一段時間。這是最好的選擇，但如果我能提前知道她可能有的潛在問題和幫助孩子度過這段時間的方法，那么情況會變得更好。事實上，誰都無法預測離婚給孩子帶來的影響。

2. Don't Use Friends

2. 不要咨詢朋友

Don't use friends for legal advice - meaning, don't hire a friend to handle the divorce even though your friend will cut you a break financially. My ex and I started out this way, and the friend was truly lovely and magnanimous at heart to want to help two broke people divorce, but we ended up switching counsel (to mediators) for various reasons. It's been 20 months, and it's still not final. Lesson learned!

不要向朋友咨詢法律建議--也就是說，不要雇朋友處理你們的離婚問題，即使朋友少收你們錢也不行。我和前夫就是雇的朋友，雖然朋友很好、落落大方，也是真心想幫我們離婚，但我們都因為各種各樣的理由換了其他咨詢師進行調(diào)解。現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)20個月了，我們的離婚還沒搞定，向我學習吧！

3. Make It Clear

3. 說清楚

Our mediator now was shocked when he saw our divorce agreement. Everything was completely vague and open to interpretation. No, no, no! Don't do it! It doesn't matter if you and your ex are cosy now, because down the line, you may not be. Have everything written in detail, and leave no topics untouched, especially when there are children involved. Too much vague language in your divorce agreement can kill you later on.

當調(diào)解人看到我們的協(xié)議時，他/她完全震驚了。每件事都很模糊，可以任意解讀。不不不！不要這么做！即使你和你的前夫現(xiàn)在無所謂也不行，因為最后你有可能會因為條款不明而抓狂。每件事都詳細說明，每件事情都要說清楚，尤其是關于孩子的問題。離婚協(xié)議中太多模糊的言語會在以后的歲月里搞垮你。